Feeling liked by all but not loved? Here is a way to change this.
A Somatic Experiencing Perspective to Transform Your Relationships.
“Healing becomes possible when thinking and feeling start happening together, when they speak the same language.” - The Secret Language of the Body by Jennifer Mann
This month’s theme in the Sōma Maṇdala community is on boundaries. Last weekend, my friend and Somatic coach from Italy, Federica Lazza, and I co-hosted an online webinar on the topic ‘Embracing Healthy Boundaries’.
The session provided a gentle reflective space for all of us who joined to reflect upon our personal experiences and challenges with boundaries in our lives. In this post, I’m sharing below some powerful moments that stood out for me.
If you are interested to learn more, you may watch the recording of the full session at the end of this post. You may also sign up here for our deep dive into this topic on 26th July 2025 when we are hosting a workshop introducing somatic practices for healthy boundaries.
So, here goes, some of the gems from the session.
The very first nervous system tissues in organism were not brains, but were primitive sensory receptors. So, the body came long before the mind.
Boundaries are important limits we put for ourselves and they connect us to our intuition.
Trauma disrupts our sense of self. This can blur our sense of our boundaries, often leading us to act in ways to please others.
“If we constantly say ‘Yes’, we will be liked but we will never be loved.” - Gabor Mate
Read the above quote from Gabor Mate again, slowly. What images, memories, feelings come up for you? What sensations are you in touch with in your body?
People pleasing tendencies developed as a trauma response leads to suppression of our spontaneous and authentic emotions. Suppression of anger has a direct impact on challenges around boundary setting and consequently our well-being.
Research studies today show suppression of emotions like anger is a risk factor for conditions like depression, IBS, chronic fatigue, migraines, and heart diseases.
Nearly 80% of auto-immune disease cases occur in women due to suppression of emotions like anger. Other auto-immune risk for women and men who suppress emotions, especially anger, could be dysregulated immune function and chronic inflammation, contributing to conditions such as rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, multiple sclerosis, Hashimoto’s, and Fibromyalgia.
A Self-Inquiry Practice
Here is a simple self-inquiry practice recommended by Gabor Mate in his book ‘The Myth of the Normal’ to help you discover your patterns around boundary setting.
In the important areas of my life, what am I not saying ‘No’ to?
How does my ability to say ‘No’ impact my life - emotionally, physically, or relationally?
What is the hidden story behind my inability to say ‘No’? Where did I learn that I have to say ‘Yes’ to be safe or loved?
If this has piqued your interest, you may watch the full recording of the session below.
We are hosting an in-depth online workshop on the theme of “Embracing Healthy Boundaries” on 26th July 2025 from 5 PM to 7 PM IST. In this workshop, we will introduce somatic practices and activities that can help you discover your boundary setting patterns and make them healthier in this session.
We are also inviting responses from you here to share your personal observations / challenges with boundaries that you wish to address in the workshop. Feel free to chime in and add!
If you are interested for this deep dive, you can sign up for the workshop here.